pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
