Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
