You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
