One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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