No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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