i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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