Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
