i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
