meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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