i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
