I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
