I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
