He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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