What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
