it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
