I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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