everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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