Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
