The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
