anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
