I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
