Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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