You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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