we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
