you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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