im drinking this country out of the recession.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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