Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
