Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
