So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
