Your mouth is God's brothel.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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