only if we run a train.
done.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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