Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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