Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
