Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm always down for nudity.
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