I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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