Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
