She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
