everyone is single if you try hard enough
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
