last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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