he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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