I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
