I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
