Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
