booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
