Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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