This is not my ceiling
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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