I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
