I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
