she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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