He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As shirtless as possible
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
